Can I Get This Kind of PR?
Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba.com, is living large these days. And, judging by the favorable press mentions he and his firm have gotten lately, so should his PR firm.
The Evidence:
The January 2008 issue of Inc. Magazine printed a 2 page interview with him (see “How I Did It Jack Ma Alibaba.com”) and gave him a full page color photo to boot. It’s your typical “I’m a struggling internet entrepreneur who struggled against big corporations and other setbacks to win” story.
The December 10, 2007 issue of Fortune did a lengthy piece on Jack and his firm (see: “China’s Web King”). This story uses the backdrop of the Alibaba public offering to glean additional insights into Jack and the company.
The Analysis:
Sure, this story has been told before with only minor modifications. We could replace Jack’s name with Bill Gates, Larry Ellison, Steve Jobs, the Google team, Jerry Yang and others and still get the same general bit.
So, for you aspiring PR trailblazers, I’m going to do you all a favor and prepare the next Horatio Alger Internet story. Feel free to substitute Tina’s name for your client’s and pitch it to Fortune whenever you need a real rags-to-riches internet story to pitch.
The Boilerplate Story:
When Tina Humble arrives at her offices at Web 98.6 (www.ImAZillionaire.com ) in her custom 872 hp 2011 Porsche CantCatchMe, she exudes confidence. But, that wasn’t always the case. Before Web 98.6 went public, Tina led a very different life.
The Humble Beginnings
Tina was born in the foothills of San Francisco in a small log cabin she built herself. “We couldn’t even afford Internet access!” she recalls. “It wasn’t until I was getting another piercing while working in a coffee shop in Oakland that I began to understand how all those laptop using coffee drinkers were really communicating across this thing called the Internet. Back then, my parents were still making me use a cell phone! Take about Paleolithic!!”
Tina went on to major in animal husbandry at Buffalo Tech Junior Community College and Truck Driving Institute but dropped out after just 3 grueling weeks. “They expected me do homework, study for tests and attend classes. That was just so wrong. As a child of the millennia, I should be texting, collaborating and gaming not learning!!” Tina added ruefully.
So, Tina gathered several of her disaffected and disenfranchised friends and began squating in some vacant retail space at the nearby TeenTown mall. “We wanted a location that’s good for productivity and shopping”. Good indeed as that is where Tina had her first major inspiration for Web 98.6 – shoppers will want to read about reviews of pedicure services online!
“I remember our first review. Someone wrote in to say that this one shop gave them a planter’s wart. That was fabulous!” From that one quote, Tina has gone to create an internet media conglomerate worth 600X more than Google, Microsoft and Cisco combined. “Yeah, Google’s so old school. I mean we’re much more representative of the newest wave of innovation on the web today. We’re even introducing new virtual pedicure services that people can buy and consume on sites like Third and Fourth Life.”
The Public Offering
Web 98.6 almost didn’t go public. First, investment bankers wore suits and ties to their first meeting with Tina. “That, like totally, set the wrong tone.” Then, to exacerbate matters “Their whole public offering document was fully of capital letters! Chuh! I mean they capitalized every name and first word of each sentence. I haven’t used a capital letter in my whole life – why would I start with this public offering?” Tina’s distress was understandable and it took months of special effort between her underwriters and the SEC to keep capital letters out of her IPO.
“When we got that mega-issue cleared up, then another problem surfaced. It seems that these people didn’t want me to discuss anything. I couldn’t let my blog stagnate while we did this whole quiet period thing.” In fact, Tina’s blog did go silent with one 2 hour window that almost panicked the entire blogger world. “When I quit talking about Web 98.6, it’s like Hollywood not talking about Britney or Lindsay. That’s like insane!”
The Future
Web 98.6 is eyeing acquisitions and product expansions. “We’re thinking we’d like to buy the US Federal Reserve Bank. I mean our credit rating is better than those Treasury Notes they’re hawking”. Tina also adds “Plus, the government of Stantiople is willing to back us on this deal in case some courts try to block it.”
“We’re also looking into some other web companies if we can get them before their valuations exceed the GDP of Canada.” That could hard for Web 98.6 as Internet stocks are already experiencing what Wall Street analyst Chip Herder calls ‘the Fourth Internet Bubble’.
Will the future always be so bright for Tina and Web 98.6? Tina sums it up with “If it crashes, I’ll go back to that log cabin and imagine the Next Big Thing.”